


The Break Up

by JenTheSweetie



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Gossip, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-14
Updated: 2013-07-14
Packaged: 2017-12-20 04:41:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/883055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenTheSweetie/pseuds/JenTheSweetie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk and McCoy broke up last night.  Didn’t they?  As the crew tries to figure out what went wrong, Spock is a gossip, Uhura takes sides, and Sulu’s just glad he’s not on the receiving end of McCoy’s glares.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Break Up

“Did you hear that the captain and Dr. McCoy broke up?” Chekov said conversationally to Sulu as they slid their trays down the food line in the mess.

Sulu raised his eyebrows. “Really? How’d you hear about that?”

“I heard just this morning from Yeoman Rand,” Chekov said.

“I can’t believe it! They seemed great together. Do you know why they broke up?”

“Janice said it had something to do with the keptin’s quarters,” Chekov mused. “That was all she said.”

“I wonder if this is going to make staff meetings awkward,” Sulu said.

“I am sure the keptin will be able to conduct himself most professionally,” Chekov said reassuringly.

-

“Mr. Spock, you have the conn.”

The doors to the bridge slid shut behind Kirk, and Sulu all but dove out of the helmsman’s seat and raced up the steps to where Spock and Uhura sat side by side at the science and communications consoles.

“Did you guys hear that the captain broke up with Dr. McCoy?” he said breathlessly, hoping he was the first to relay this information. His speed was rewarded as he saw Uhura’s eyes widen and Spock’s left eyebrow raise. 

“What?” Uhura gasped. 

“I was not aware that the captain and Dr. McCoy were involved in a romantic relationship,” Spock said. Uhura rolled her eyes.

“We’ve been over this,” she said. “Just because Jim hasn’t told you something, out loud, to your face, doesn’t make it not true. Especially when everyone else in the sector knows and Kirk and McCoy have been in love for _years_.”

“I do not agree with the implication that I am incapable of drawing conclusions based on observation,” Spock said. “While I have generally agreed with your ongoing assessments of the relationship between the captain and the doctor, assumptions about the private lives of senior officers can be inappropriate and even dangerous.”

“It’s not an _assumption_ when anyone with two or more eyes can see they’re obsessed with each other.”

“At any rate, Lieutenant Uhura, apparently this news is itself confirmation of a now-concluded relationship, so we can move forward with the knowledge that our assumption – that is, your assumption – about their romantic entanglement was accurate.”

“How did you find out that they broke up?” Uhura asked, turning back to Sulu. 

“Pavel told me this morning, he heard it from Yeoman Rand.”

“Of course!” Uhura said, smacking a hand to her forehead. “Why did I never think to ask Janice? Of course she would have known, she has full access to Kirk’s quarters.”

“Yeah, apparently they ended things because Kirk got tired of McCoy being in his quarters,” Sulu said with a shrug. “I bet McCoy is _really_ difficult to live with.”

“Oh, you’re taking the Captain’s side?” Uhura said, bristling. "Kirk has got to be the hardest person in the galaxy to live with. How do you know _he_ broke up with McCoy, anyway? Maybe McCoy broke up with him!” Sulu opened his mouth to argue, but Spock held up a hand.

“Before this break up becomes a ship-wide feud, maybe we should attempt to discover the truth. It is inappropriate to speculate about the reason for the end of a relationship between two senior officers without any conclusive evidence,” Spock said. “All we have at the moment is hearsay. Lieutenant Sulu, please return to the helm.”

Sulu scowled and slunk back to his console. Uhura rounded on Spock. “Don’t you want to know why – ?”

“While I am not interested in idle gossip, it may be helpful for me in carrying out my duties as first officer to have a better understanding of the captain’s emotional condition, should it impact his ability to effectively lead the crew,” Spock said. Uhura snorted. “But it is unhelpful to hypothesize as to the reason for the dissolution of the relationship without any further evidence. Computer,” he said, turning to his console. “Who was the most senior officer on duty during the most recent gamma shift?”

“ _Chief Engineering Officer Montgomery Scott was the most senior officer on duty during gamma shift on star date –_ ”

“Thank you,” Spock interrupted, cutting off the computer. “Perhaps Mr. Scott witnessed something during gamma shift that can provide us with more details about this most untimely end to Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy’s liaison.”

-

Scott was in the rec room at the end of alpha shift when Spock descended on him.

“Oh, hello, Commander,” Scott said. “I’ve got that report about the scheduled maintenance on the warp coils you were asking about, if that’s why you’ve come looking for me.”

“Thank you for that update, Mr. Scott,” Spock said. “But that is not why I am here. You were on duty during gamma shift last night, is that correct? Did you witness anything unusual during your shift?”

“Unusual?” Scott asked, tilting his head. “In what sense?” 

“Was there any commotion on deck 12? Specifically, around the captain’s quarters?”

“Not that I know of, sir,” Scott said, shaking his head. “All quiet last night. Why do you ask – is the captain all right?”

“I am unsure,” Spock said. “Were you aware that Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy are involved in a romantic relationship?”

Scott chuckled. “Uh, do you mean was I fooled by their little ‘oh no we’re just friends’ act? Maybe for about thirty seconds. Even Keenser figured it out, and he can barely recognize human emotion.” 

“Very well. It appears that sometime between yesterday and this morning, the captain and Dr. McCoy ended their relationship.”

“You don’t say? What a shame,” Scott said, shaking his head. “It seemed like they’d finally worked it out too, after all these years.”

“Indeed,” Spock said. “I was wondering if you had noticed anything – did you perhaps overhear an argument, or see Dr. McCoy leaving the captain’s quarters? Or did the captain mention anything to you?”

“Not a thing,” Scott said. “What do you reckon happened?”

“It is unclear,” Spock said, frowning slightly. “But it appears that Jim asked Dr. McCoy to leave.”

“Really?” Scott said, surprised. “Are you sure about that?”

“This is according to various reports from Lieutenant Sulu, Ensign Chekov, and Yeoman Rand.”

“You’re quite the gossip today, Mr. Spock,” Scott said, raising his eyebrows. 

“I am merely trying to ascertain the validity of various rumors which members of the crew will undoubtedly share with each other regardless of my involvement,” Spock said sensibly.

“Whatever you say,” Scott said. “Well, if I hear anything, I’ll let you know. Could get messy, you know. Not like either of them are getting any awards for ‘least hot-headed Starfleet officer’ anytime soon.”

“I am sure that the captain and the doctor will continue to behave professionally,” Spock said confidently, and Scotty let out a low whistle.

“Hell hath no fury like a man scorned, sir. We’ll just wait and see.”

-

“You’re all set to go, Scotty,” Nurse Chapel was saying as McCoy blew into sick bay like a hurricane, glaring at the whole place like it had personally insulted his mother.

“Thank you very much, m’dear,” Scott said, flexing his bandaged hand and jumping down off the biobed. He looked up at McCoy and then glanced at Nurse Chapel, who immediately became very interested in the PADD in her hands. “Er, afternoon, Dr. McCoy,” Scott said haltingly. 

“You blow something up again, Scotty?” McCoy snapped.

“Not too bad this time,” Scott said. “I’ll be on my way, then.” 

“Goddamn reckless pyromaniac engineers,” McCoy muttered, throwing himself down at his desk as Scotty left sick bay with yet another meaningful glance at Nurse Chapel.

McCoy was tired, and hungry, and feeling, at the moment, very fed up with his job. He’d started his day with an early morning message from Starfleet Medical letting him know that the due date for completing the crew’s mid-year physicals had been pushed up three weeks, which means he’d have to pull double shifts for days to get them all done in time. His breakfast had been interrupted by the news that a spill in the science lab that had caused three science officers to inhale mysterious purple fumes; he’d quarantined half the deck before determining that all the fumes did was cause the science officers to be overwhelmed by a harmless but very annoying case of hiccups, and McCoy worked straight through until lunch trying to figure out the perfect amount of water for them to drink to counteract the effect of the fumes. And now he was back on duty in sick bay with a stack of reports to fill out, no lunch, and, oh, yeah, there was that thing where he was in _space_ , which he had learned to tolerate but still professed to absolutely loathe when he was in a bad mood or spent too much time near windows.

“What are you looking at?” he growled at Nurse Chapel, who was hovering next to his desk and looking down at him curiously.

“Nothing,” Chapel said, but she continued to stare at him. 

“You got something to say, Christine?” McCoy asked, raising his eyebrows at her. “'Cause you better say it or get back to work.”

“Are you – are you doing okay, sir?”

He looked up at Chapel, who was looking at him with her brow furrowed in – was that concern? 

“I’m having a shit day, actually, but other than that I’m just fine,” McCoy asked, suspiciously. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh – just – you know,” Chapel said.

“No, I don’t.”

“Well,” Chapel said hesitantly. “If you’d like to talk about it or anything, I’m here for you, Doctor.”

“Talk about – what are _you_ talking about?” McCoy asked, dumbfounded.

“You don’t have to keep up a brave face,” Chapel said, leaning close to him and speaking gently, as if he was a child. “It’s just us, and you can be honest with me. If you need anything at all, even just a shoulder to cry on, you can come to me.” She patted him tenderly on the arm.

McCoy blinked. “What in the _holy fuck_ are you talking about? Why would I need to cry on your shoulder, Nurse Chapel?”

Chapel looked offended, and crossed her arms over her chest. “I just assumed you would be upset, sir, I didn’t mean to imply anything – I mean, most people are upset when someone breaks up with them, it’s totally normal!”

“When someone breaks up with them? Are we even having the same conversation right now?” McCoy asked, trying to sound angry but feeling too confused to pull it off. 

“I don’t know!” Chapel said, looking annoyed herself. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but _I_ was talking about how the captain broke up with you last night, and – ”

McCoy stood up. “How the captain… what?” His voice was quiet, terrifyingly so. Chapel quailed under his gaze.

“Mr. Scott was telling me that – that Captain Kirk ended things with you – just last night,” Chapel said.

“Right,” McCoy said. He thought about sitting back down and dropping his head into his hands, but that would be giving in too easy. “Of course he did. Okay. All right. Christine – tell me everything you know about my relationship with James T. Kirk.”

-

Sulu glanced back as the doors to the bridge opened, but quickly turned back to the helm as Dr. McCoy stormed in. He heard McCoy step onto the bridge with even, slow steps, and approach the captain’s chair. Sulu peeked over his shoulder to see McCoy standing just behind and to the left of the captain, as he so frequently did; Kirk didn’t even acknowledge him, just kept his focus straight ahead at the viewscreen.

“Jim,” McCoy said, in a voice that managed to be both dangerously quiet and loud enough to carry across the whole bridge. “You heartless bastard.”

Kirk glanced around at McCoy, then back to the viewscreen. “What have I done now, Bones?”

“You’ve been spreading our personal business all over the ship,” McCoy said in that same steady voice.

“Have I?” Kirk smiled, looking almost amused. Sulu winced; he could not imagine looking amused if Dr. McCoy was glaring at him like that.

“It’s bad enough that you ended things the way you did,” McCoy said, and you could hear a pin drop on the bridge: everyone was holding their breath as the confrontation they’d all been waiting for played out before their very eyes. “But to not even tell them why you ended it – well that’s just unfair, Jim.”

“What exactly did I do?” Kirk asked, feigning confusion, and even Sulu, inexperienced with relationships though he was, could have told him that was a bad idea.

“You slept with Spock!” 

This proclamation was met with a bridge-wide gasp. Half the room was staring at McCoy and Kirk like they were a shuttle crash you couldn’t look away from; the other half of the room had swiveled to face Spock, who had not moved a single muscle, and Uhura, who was gaping at McCoy and looking like she’d been slapped.

“What?” Kirk said, and he laughed. “What the hell are you talking about, Bones?”

“You slept with Spock and then kicked me out to start a new affair,” McCoy said, folding his arms and looking triumphant. “How could you, Jim? How _could_ you?” He looked around at the assembled crew, all of whom were staring openly by now, not even pretending they couldn’t hear the argument taking place at the captain’s chair.

“Are you feeling okay, Bones?” Kirk said, his brow furrowed.

“As well as any man can feel when he’s heartbroken,” McCoy drawled, but Sulu couldn’t help but think that he didn’t _sound_ very heartbroken.

Kirk wheeled around to look at Spock. “Mr. Spock, do you have any idea what he’s talking about?”

“I have a hypothesis,” Spock said. Uhura rounded on him.

“You – you didn’t actually – did you?”

“Of course not,” Spock said calmly, and Sulu let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. This whole thing was weird, but that would’ve been too weird. “Captain, I believe Dr. McCoy is referring to the rumor currently circulating around the Enterprise that you have ended a romantic relationship with him.”

Kirk stared at Spock uncomprehendingly, then turned back to McCoy. 

“And I didn’t even get to hear the whole story from you, darlin,” McCoy said. “I had to hear it from Nurse Chapel. Now where do you think she found out about our little lover’s quarrel, hmm? Anybody here have an idea?” He placed his hands behind his back and glanced around the bridge at the crowd of onlookers, looking pleased with himself.

“Er – that would be from me,” Scotty said, frowning, and everyone looked at him. “I told her just now, when she was patching me up. But I heard it from Commander Spock, he asked me what I knew about it.”

Everyone turned back to Spock, who seemed to flush faintly green. “I was trying to confirm the details of the situation,” he said evenly. “Lieutenant Uhura and I heard the news from Lieutenant Sulu.”

Sulu felt rather than saw everyone on the bridge turn to face him; under other circumstances, the one-mindedness of the action would have been funny. Right now, it was not.

“Chekov told me,” Sulu said quickly. Pavel turned to him beseechingly. “Well, you did!” Sulu hissed.

“Yeoman Rand may have mentioned it in passing,” Chekov said, his ears turning bright red. “But Keptin, I did not mean to gossip – ”

“Janice?” Kirk said, looking shocked. He turned to his yeoman, who was standing behind the captain’s chair. “Where did you hear this most interesting rumor?”

Rand’s eyes widened. “From – from _you_ , sir!” 

McCoy burst out laughing.

“Excuse me?” Kirk said, ignoring McCoy. “From me?” 

“Just last night, sir!” Rand said breathlessly. “I was in your quarters collecting your laundry, and I asked you – ” she paused, looking embarrassed, but soldiered on, “ - I asked you why you had so many unmatched socks in your room, and you – you told me that it wasn’t your fault, half of them were Dr. McCoy’s, but you got tired of him taking up so much space in your closet so you broke up with him. That’s what you said, Captain.”

Rand’s tale ended with a period of silence while everyone digested this new addition to the story.

“I did say that, didn’t I,” Kirk said lightly. 

“Yes, sir,” Rand said quietly, staring at the ground. “I know I shouldn’t have told anyone, sir.”

“Oh, it’s not that, Janice,” Kirk said. “Gossip like that, I would be ashamed of you if you kept it to yourself. It’s just – I assumed you would have realized it was a joke.” He grinned. “I just didn’t want you to be pissed about the socks. They were all mine, I was kidding. Because, I mean – how could I have been serious about breaking up with Dr. McCoy anyway? You have to be dating someone in the first place to break up with them, and Bones and I aren’t dating.”

Janice glanced at Chekov, who looked over at Sulu, who pulled at the hem of his shirt uncomfortably. Across the bridge, Uhura was inspecting her nails, and even Spock was staring up at the ceiling, looking placid. Behind Sulu, Scotty cleared his throat.

“I mean – surely you all didn’t think – _somebody_ knew it was a joke,” Kirk said, swiveling in his chair to look at all of his senior officers in turn. “I mean, _nobody_ thinks that Bones and I – that we’re…” He trailed off as each of his senior officers avoided making eye contact. 

There was a _whoosh_ as the doors to the bridge slid open, and Sulu looked up just in time to see McCoy disappearing through them. There were five whole seconds of absolute stillness on the bridge; then Spock turned back to face the science console, and everyone quickly returned to their own duties as if the previous five minutes have never happened.

“Mr. Spock, you have the conn,” Kirk said, getting out of the captain’s chair and heading for the door.

“What have we done?” Sulu whispered, and Chekov just shook his head.

-

McCoy was standing on the observation deck, staring out at space passing by at warp speed, when he heard footsteps behind him.

“Well, that was fucking weird.”

McCoy rolled his eyes. “You’re telling me,” he said. “I’m the one who found out about his own relationship ending through the grapevine. You couldn’t even be bothered to tell me yourself.”

“Oh, come on, we both know that if we _were_ dating, you’d be the one to break up with me,” Jim said with forced lightness.

“Damn right I would be,” McCoy said, but his heart wasn’t in it. “You’d probably deserve it, too.”

“Yeah,” Jim conceded. “You mad at me, Bones?”

“I don’t know,” McCoy said. “Should I be?”

“Maybe,” Jim muttered, coming to stand next to McCoy and staring out at the black with him.

“I’m mostly just confused as all hell,” McCoy admitted. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes; he was going to regret what he was about to say, he just fucking knew it, but this was as good a chance as he was ever gonna get. “Any time I’ve ever tried to talk to you about whether you might want to be more than just my annoying son of a bitch of a best friend, you act like you don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about – but then you go and make jokes like that, and people don’t even know they’re jokes, and I don’t know what to think.”

“I’m good at jokes,” Jim supplied. “And bad at talking.” 

“Yeah, I know,” McCoy said. “If I’m reading the whole situation wrong, you know you can just tell me that, though, right? No harm done, and you can go on being my annoying son of a bitch of a best friend just like always.”

“You sure know how to sweet talk a guy,” Jim said, nudging McCoy with his shoulder playfully.

“Aw, fuck you,” McCoy said, and Jim chuckled.

“When I get my shit together, Bones, you’ll be the first to know,” Jim said. “I promise you that.”

“I know, kid,” McCoy said, nudging Jim back. “Maybe one day we’ll give ‘em something to really talk about.”

“Yeah,” Jim said, grinning. “Maybe we will.”

-

“I swear, _I swear_ I saw them practically kissing on the observation deck.”

“Pavel, this is getting old.”

“They were _actually_ kissing, laddie?”

“Well – no, not exactly. But it was wery close to kissing!”

“Is there a human ritual that is close to kissing that is not actually kissing that I am unaware of?”

“I thought you said you wanted us to stop gossiping about things we’re not sure actually happened.”

“If we have an eyewitness report this time, Nyota, then this is an entirely different situation. It would only be logical to determine the actual state of the captain’s relationship with Dr. McCoy in order to fully understand the dynamics at play.”

“But you say they _weren’t_ actually kissing?”

Sulu shook his head. It was going to be a long, long shift.


End file.
